All posts by Jen Bickerton

Fibro Hacking the Holidays: Inner Peace – Part 5

We all want the holidays to be a special time for everyone. This includes ourselves. For me personally, not only do I want to see smiles and joy on everyone else’s face, but I want to feel that ideal peace and serenity of the season too. However, for many years this eluded me because I would push myself so much making everything “perfect” for everyone else that by the time the activities and celebrations arrived, I was completely worn out and in pain. For women with fibromyalgia, I know that you know what I’m talking about.

Several years ago, I gave up the idea of a “perfect” holiday. And it was probably the best thing I ever did. I decided it was not my place to make it perfect, but it was my place to enjoy it right along with everyone else. Not only did the pain and fatigue get better, but I was also able to deal with the pain that I experienced much easier. This is when I learned to embrace inner peace above all else.

Here are my 5 strategies for fibro hacking the holidays to find inner peace in the midst of this busy season:

  1. Release Resistance

If you find yourself exhausted or in pain, recognize it and release your resistance to it. Listen to your body and heed the direction it is giving you. This may sound odd, but not only do I listen to my body I also talk to it. Research shows that our body responds to our thoughts. Just think about this for a moment. If you were to really imagine and think about slicing a lemon and squeezing it into a glass, your body would produce signals making your mouth salivate and pucker as if you were about to drink a glass of lemonade. So, I surmised if our body could produce chemicals to make internal changes happen, then I could also make changes to pain and fatigue. It certainly takes practice, but our bodies do respond to our thoughts so instead of ignoring the pain or feeling hate and disdain toward the part of the body affected by pain, try acknowledging and loving the area of pain. Ask your body what it needs then follow its direction. If you need to lie down and rest, do. If you need to use an ice or heat pack, magnesium oil, or anti-inflammatory, do so. You can have a better-quality day when you pay attention to your body.

  1. Practice Deep Breathing

Another way to hit the reset button on overwhelm brought on by discomfort is to practice deep breathing. It sounds simple, but it can help. Try 5 to 15 minutes of calm slow breathing. As you inhale and exhale, you can either focus on the up and down rising or your abdomen, or you can count. I like to count with each in and out cycle of breath. This may calm any anxiety brought on by pain or overwhelm.

  1. Go Outside

No matter where you live (unless you are in subarctic winter temperatures), going outside for a few minutes can be a way to rest your mind and shift your focus. A bit of nature, even in your back yard or a walk around the block, gives you the chance to breathe fresh air and increase your oxygen levels. If you get a few minutes in the sunlight it could support renewed feelings of well-being. If you are able to take a little walk, the movement may help increase circulation. All these things together can change your physiology and mindset, and be helpful in separating yourself from any stress you might have been feeling.

  1. Talk to Someone

 One of the great things about the holidays is that it opens opportunities for talking with loved ones and friends. If you have the chance, sit and have a nice long talk with someone you trust that you know cares about you. If not in person, find some time to pick up the phone and reach out. When I speak with true friends, I find that it brings an uplifting energy. My mind feels renewed and happy, helping my body to feel relaxed.

  1. Feel Gratitude

 Make a habit of gratitude. I choose to start my day with mental gratitude before getting out of bed. This I learned from the wonderful author of “You Can Heal Your Life”, Louise Hay. She used to say that in the morning she would thank her bed. Without thinking of anything in the future, of what I might have to do that day, right where I am as I first stir in the morning in bed gives me the opportunity to be thankful right then and there. I’m thankful for my soft pillow and cozy blankets, for my fuzzy socks, and the quiet stillness in the early morning light.

Make the habit simple. You do not need to make gratitude monumental, the small blessings in the moment are profound on their own. In an online article in On the Pulse, it was noted that a neuroscientist at Seattle Children’s Research Institute, said that feeling gratitude can activate several parts of the brain associated with reward and motivation, and the hypothalamus associated with eating and sleeping. Dr. Susan Ferguson said “when humans feel gratitude, the brain produces oxytocin…” This is the same hormone that is released after giving birth, and often dubbed the love hormone.

The feeling of love is definitely a healing emotion in the body. So, if activating these parts of the brain to produce positive feelings to support our body can be done with gratitude, then count me in! It’s worth being grateful for everything I can!

When you find yourself looking for the comfort of inner peace this holiday, remember to take 10 minutes to conquer your reality by releasing resistance to what is, taking a deep breath, walking outside, talking to a friend, and practicing gratitude. These small acts of self-care can renew your inner peace as often as you need it through the holidays.

Hearts & (gentle) Hugs,
Dr. Jen

Fibro Hacking the Holidays: Managing Expectations – Part 4

Let me ask you something—how many times do the holidays go as planned? I know I always have amazing ideas for the holidays. I plan the perfect gifts for each person in my life. I think about the times for being with family, gift exchanging, and the perfect dinner. But rarely, let me emphasize that again, RARELY does any holiday activity ever go as planned. This can be a big source of stress during the holidays, and it can especially affect women with fibromyalgia.

Unrealistic Expectations

First, I know those of us that have had to deal with fibro during the holidays are already pushing ourselves mentally and physically. And second, when we try to add in unrealistic expectations on top of an already overextended “body-budget,” it can feel overwhelming.

I know it can be a major disappointment when the reality of the situation doesn’t meet your expectations, whether that is an expectation of how the kids will behave, how dinner will turn out, how the holiday party goes, hosting relatives, or whether someone liked your gift.

It All Adds Up

It all adds up. This is why self-care during the holidays is extremely vital. And I don’t mean, you need to go for spa treatments or yoga sessions in the midst of an overbooked season. Self-care during the holidays is all about taking the time to attend to your own needs, whether physical or mental, to make sure you are balancing your wellbeing and able to manage the situations that are inevitable during the activities of this season.

Here are some ways to help you manage expectations and maintain self-care:

Be Realistic: There is nothing setting you up to feel disappointed like unrealistic expectations. And when you are disappointed, it can take a toll on your emotions and completely derail your holiday joy. It is so easy to get stressed during the holidays because we believed something was going to go a certain way, and when the anticipation is replaced by disappointment it can really bring us down. So, up front, before opening the presents or before attempting to make grandma’s famous monkey rolls, understand that mishaps will probably occur, and things won’t be exactly as imagined. This will better prepare you for rolling with whatever ends up happening.

Emotionally Prepare: Just be aware that one of the kids probably won’t like a gift—and they will most likely express their discontent at the most inopportune time. Keep in mind that wrong sizes will be purchased for pajamas and fuzzy slippers. Recipes may be a disaster. People may start arguing at the dinner table. And we may not get what we wanted. This is the time to remind ourselves what is really important. And we do this by valuing and elevating our personal priorities, which might include kindness to all including ourselves. Just keeping this in the forefront of our thought throughout the holidays, can help us better manage any stress and cope under less-than-ideal circumstances.

Ask for Help: Last week’s episode was all about asking for help, but I want to add it to this week’s list for fibro hacking the holidays. It is probably the most important thing to do if you are overwhelmed or having to forge through this season either in a fibro flare or trying to keep from letting too many things trigger a flare. Stress is a big trigger to flare-ups. And I know. I’m guilty of believing I can do way more than I really can in very unrealistic timeframes! And I’m also guilty of believing that if others cared, they would see that I need help and offer. However, I’ve learned not to be offended by the lack of consideration, because after many years I’ve realized that others just don’t realize that I might need help because of the nature of fibro. It is basically invisible. I typically look fine, right? But they don’t see the excruciating pain in my arms from lifting full saucepans and stirring all afternoon. Yeap, I know. I’ve woken up in the middle of the night with my arms just throbbing. So my point, you have to blatantly ask for help up front. If you’ve been dealing with fibro for any amount of time, you probably know what triggers can set off discomfort and pain. So please don’t be shy, self-advocate for your needs ahead of time.

When you get help you are able to accomplish much more, and generally do it in a more efficient and effective way. Thus, seeking help can be a great strategy for managing expectations and stress during the holidays.

 Stop Comparing: Lastly, don’t compare your family’s holiday with someone else’s. I know, I know—but the fancy parties, the sparkling packages with the big bows that must have taken hours to do, and those gorgeous family photo cards! Hey friends, it’s so much better to just allow yourself to enjoy the holiday without worrying about feeling judged. So what if your bow doesn’t match the wrapping paper, or you ran out of name tags and had to write to who it belongs and who it is from on the package. And so what if you brought mac and cheese to the gathering instead of the fancy artichoke dip. At least the kids will be happy! And seriously, shouldn’t we all try to be more like children during this season anyway? Eat, laugh, and be merry. Let the rest go!

My utmost urgent fibro hacking the holidays suggestion for you as we head into the thick of the season now, is to avoid the stressful trap of expectations and embrace self-care by focusing on your personal values so you can experience joy from here on out.

Hearts & (gentle) Hugs,
Dr. Jen

 

 

Fibro Hacking the Holidays: Ask for Help – Part 3

The holidays are supposed to be a time of celebration with family and friends, but for a lot of people they are a very emotional time. It is a time of year that many find very difficult to get through—either because they have lost someone they loved, or because they are chronically ill. The season with social gatherings, gift giving, and traditions can trigger depression, loneliness, and grief, due to either missing a loved one… or missing the way things used to be.

For myself, although I have fibro life in balance (knock on wood), this will be the first year without my father. It’s been a hard year as it is, but the holidays are a trigger for memories. When loss is new the emptiness is sometimes too much. For my mother, who also has fibro, and any woman going through difficult emotions or fibro flares this is definitely a time for when self-advocacy is called for.

Here are several steps to take as the holidays approach:

  1. Recognize how you feel: As the holiday approaches stop to check in with yourself and if you are experiencing heavy emotions, don’t push past them but instead allow yourself to recognize them. This may help you to start processing the emotions.
  2. Plan ahead: if you are aware of your emotions, you can be gentle with yourself this season by looking ahead and making note of any triggers that may come up. Try to avoid situations or events that may be too uncomfortable for you. The hope is that by planning ahead you won’t find yourself in a circumstance where you are caught off guard by overwhelming feelings.
  3. Ask for help: Please know that if you are having a difficult time either because you lost someone special or because you are dealing with fibro challenges or something else, you do not have to pretend to be cheerful and try to do all the events or celebrations you used to by yourself. You should not be expected to. Determine what you need help with and let others know. It is okay to ask others to help, especially when you have had a tough time from either illness or grief, or both.
  4. Accept the help: Do you need someone to run errands or do some holiday shopping for you? Do you need help planning, organizing, or wrapping gifts– especially if you have young children or guests that will be arriving? Do you need help prepping or preparing a holiday meal? A lot of times, your family and friends want to do something for you but aren’t sure how you will feel about it. Just kindly ask them for help.

Focus on the Moment

If you are feeling off balance any time during the holiday or during social gatherings try to intentionally focus on the moment at hand. Look around and purposefully notice the things around the room, the lace design of the tablecloth, the light in the room, the décor on the table, the number of chairs, and on and on. If you direct your attention specifically it may help divert the negative feeling long enough for you to regain balance.

Don’t try to get through the tough holidays by yourself. Realizing when you may need help and making a plan to ask for that help is called self-advocacy. Often women will struggle with loss and pain alone rather than ask for help. Understand that you are worthy of having help. It is human to have tough times throughout life. Having others that care about you, help you through the holidays, can be a great comfort to you.

Hearts & Gentle Hugs,

Dr. Jen