All posts by Jen Bickerton

Express Your Emotions in 5 Healthy Ways

Many people tend to bottle up their emotions in order to get through the day. Why do we do this? We won’t let anyone know what is bothering us, or what we are dealing with in life maybe because we think that people won’t understand, or that society may deem our feelings unacceptable. So, we go to great lengths to hide our emotions.

Hiding your sadness, or anger, frustrations, and other emotion is not healthy. Even though you might think that avoiding the experience of that emotion may make things easier in the short term, in the long run it does not save you from the effects of that emotion. If you don’t allow yourself to process the emotions, it can affect your body through stress. Emotions have a way of getting stuck in us if we don’t work through them. So, hiding or burying the emotions is only a quick fix that can surface again—and sometimes when you least expect it. We have emotions for a reason, so it is good to learn how to express them in healthy ways.

Expressing your emotions can look like many different things. Each person is different, what you are feeling can be a guide to the way of helpful expression. We want to look for ways to express feelings that won’t be destructive to yourself, others, or property. Here are some ways that you can express your feelings in a healthy way.

  1. Journaling

Writing in a journal can be very liberating. If you have been unsuccessful in the past when trying to journal, a good way to go about this is to pretend that you are writing letters to someone. This can help you be more at ease when expressing your feelings and the life events that happened to you. Getting all your thoughts on paper can help you to process them and work through your emotions quicker and easier. Sometimes, for myself, it is better to start with a list—to write down all the things that are going in on my life, what is on my mind, what I feel responsible for, and then to list my ideas of dealing with these feelings out to the side of each.

  1. Exercise

Physical exertion is an amazing way to help you express emotion. When you’re upset or frustrated, you can go for a run or do some other form of physical activity in order to get the feelings out of your body. Some people enjoy boxing or kickboxing in order to do this.

Most commonly though, people will run or go to the gym and lift weights when they are experiencing overwhelming feelings. Of course, be sure that with whatever exercise you choose, you do it properly to avoid any physical injury. Personally, I love to walk the beach or a trail through the woods. Not only does the movement on these walks help me move through the emotion, the time alone in nature is helpful for gaining a new perspective.

  1. Creative Media

Creating something is a great way for a lot of people to express emotion. Examples of this are painting, drawing, writing, coloring, creating music, playing an instrument, cooking, and much more. If you have a hobby that you enjoy, practicing it as a way to express your emotions can be very helpful.

Just like journaling, using art, music, cooking or gardening is a wonderful way to facilitate your emotions through the movement of your mind as you move your hands in creating. You might be surprised at your masterpiece. Many artists are moved by their emotions and find that it is the best time to create something great. Don’t judge yourself, the creation comes about from many factors and is meant to be therapeutic. Allow your emotions to take you where they need to go in order to best express them healthily.

  1. Talk To Someone

Communicating with someone you love, whether a friend or a family member, can be feel very supportive. It should be someone that you feel comfortable with and that you know will listen without judgement or without telling you what to do.  You may want to let them know that you don’t need them to fix your problem, you just need to get express because saying how you feel out loud will help you deal with it yourself.

Often the person you choose to talk to may want to help you so much that they will start to offer you solutions. Let them know you simply need someone to listen to it. Ideally, this relationship can be reciprocated for when they need someone to talk to, and then you can be there for them. This give and take is very healthy and will provide a great outlet to express emotions. I have several friends that we have this kind of relationship with. If we need to talk out our feelings we know we can call each other up anytime. If you don’t have a friend or family member that you are comfortable with, you can choose a therapist instead.

 Analyze Your Emotions as Your Own Best Friend

Have you ever looked at yourself as your own best friend? You know yourself, you really do, and you know what is best for your authentic self. Look at what you are feeling with empathy as you would with a friend you love dearly. Looking at yourself through your own eyes this way can be helpful. Speak aloud to yourself and explain why you feel the way that you do. Getting these feelings out of your mind and into the world can help you examine them without being so connected to them. Even though it sounds silly, I talk to myself when I am alone. Somehow it works wonders to speak words out loud. This works great when I am driving by myself. As I talk, my mind can see things from different angles.

This is very similar to speaking with someone else. The only downfall is that you don’t have someone else’s experiences and viewpoints. However, you know you inside and out, so I have no doubt that you have your own best interest at heart.

Hearts & Hugs,
Dr. Jen

 

8 Steps to Create Balance in Your Life

Do you feel your life is balanced? Or do you feel you are often tugged in many directions and never get to do what is important to you?

It can be easy to dedicate too much time and energy to specific parts of your life, while ignoring other parts. The goal in creating balance in life is so you can feel motivated, calm, clear-headed, and grounded in all areas of your life.

In determining how balanced your life really is there are two areas of your life to look at: external and internal.

The Internal: Body, Mind, and Emotions

  • Physical Health. Do you have a healthy diet overall? Not only do we need to eat well, but we need to make sure we rest and have quality sleep, plus exercise or move every day for a healthy body.
  • Mental Health. Do you engage in mind stimulating activities such as reading or intellectual activities where you are mentally challenged? To keep your mind sharp and inquisitive, and to keep yourself from getting bored in life, it is essential to pursue your interests and keep growing for self-improvement. Stimulate yourself intellectually, but give your mind the opportunity to rest too.
  • Emotional Health. How is your mood? Do you consider yourself happy? You will know if you general tend to find yourself in a positive state. If you have a hard time processing feelings and find yourself depressed and anxious, then your emotional health may need some focus.

The External: Fun, Family, Social, and Work

  • Me time. Do you take the time to indulge in activities that you personally enjoy?
  • Family. How are your relationships with parents, significant other, children, or friends? Are you able to maintain healthy boundaries while enjoying their company?
  • Social. How often are you able to go out or have dinner with friends? If you stay home on weekends or holidays without socializing then this may be a challenge you can work on.
  • Work. These days people don’t always look at a work / life balance because our work needs so much of our attention in this digital age. If this is happening to you, then think of it as work / life integration. Because you may be working, but if you are aware of the times that you need to be mentally and physically present for your family and your friends you can create a balanced integration. As you push yourself to chase your goals, keep your eye on your big picture life.

Finding Life Balance

Many of us are guilty of focusing too much on one or two areas, while neglecting the other areas. And that often is because of poor time management or undefined priorities.

However, balance in all areas will help you to maintain a high level of wellness with yourself and your life. Here are 8 steps to help you review the areas of your life and create that balance you desire:

8 Steps to Creating Balance

  1. Recognize – Evaluate all areas of your life, what are you neglecting?
  2. Review the internal and external – Acknowledge where you might need more balance.
  3. Make a life priority list – for creating balance. For example, if you work so much that you miss family events or even family meals, you might make it a priority to be present for these things a certain number of times per week or month.
  4. Plan – It is important to outline a plan on how best you will achieve your goals to meet your priorities.
  5. Be aware of challenges – As you plan how to meet your priorities, make note of what challenges might arise and how you can deal with them.
  6. Prepare – Feel good about the decisions you are making to create balance in your life. See the value in the effort you are making to take care of all aspects of yourself and life. Always be prepared to follow your plan.
  7. Accountability – Whether it’s a specific tactic or a person in your life that offers support and motivation, let someone know what you are trying to do to help you stay on track. A personal coach or mentor is perfect for this. We are able to listen to your struggles and hear where you might be able to make choices that could make life easier and more enjoyable while you meet those priorities you set for yourself.
  8. Be kind to yourself, but have non-negotiables – Just like anything, creating balance takes time because you have to break negative behaviors and habits in order to instill new ones. Don’t give up! Be gentle and forgiving with yourself if you don’t meet all your goals every time. But, love yourself enough to make non-negotiables with yourself. For example, I will not allow myself to get my morning cup of coffee, until I do 20 minutes of movement and exercise. It is non-negotiable unless I’m under the weather. You can do this, you are in charge of your own life. Create it the way you want, don’t just participate by default. Live it your way! Conquer Your Reality today!

Hearts & Hugs,
Dr. Jen

3 Ways to Reach Your Goals with Self-Discipline

How are you doing with your goals for 2020? You can keep yourself moving toward your goals with self-discipline. Here is how:

Know Why You Want that Goal

The first thing you need to do to ensure you can reach a goal is to understand your “why” for wanting it. If it isn’t a good enough reason, you may fall short. You need to have a specific reason that emotionally propels your forward. For example, if you are trying to lose weight because you want to look good, but your belief system deep down says that is vain, you might not be able to follow through or may find yourself procrastinating. But if your reason for wanting to lose weight is more significant, such as boosting your self-confidence or your health so you can achieve greater goals with your innate talents and gifts, then you may have found the driving force that will push you up hill when it gets hard to stick to your goals.

Visualize the End

Know exactly where you are going with this goal? What will it look like or feel like when you accomplish what you have set out to? If you live as-if you are already there, it can stimulate your thought and energy toward taking action because of how you feel. Many times this is also a way to put you into the mindset of being prepared to take advantage of opportunities that present themselves that will be instrumental in completing tasks to achieve your desired outcome. Another method that works for building self-discipline is visualizing the steps you’ll take to achieve your goals.

Picture yourself waking up right when your alarm goes off, getting ready for the day and doing what you need to from start to finish to feel accomplished! And that leads us to the 3rd way to ensure self-discipline…

Outline Your Plan

It is much easier to wake up and do what you need to do to reach your goals if you know the details. The baby steps needed to get to where you are going are much easier if you have them outlined. A lot of people will call these bite size chunks of a big project. It is also helpful if you designate the amount of time you will work on it and schedule it on your calendar. If it is a project for your job, break it down and decide what to do when as on a process flow chart. Even if it is a personal goal such as exercising, put an alarm on your phone to remind you to go to the gym or go out for a walk. Build the process into your daily schedule and you will find it will be easier to create self-disciplined.

You’ve Got This!

Self-discipline is a combination of identifying your goals and prioritizing the choices that move you toward attaining them. However, self-control isn’t something you can master overnight. Just like any muscle in your body, self-discipline takes time to build. With practice and effort, you can improve, grow, and become the best version of yourself possible.

Hearts & Hugs,
Dr. Jen